An Introduction III

I intend to make this my last installment of my world acclaimed series cleverly titled "An Introduction" . It's my hope that having read this you'll have a better appreciation for the events that have formed me, and for some of the life experiences I bring to the table.

In my last post, I think I left off with my stunned surprise at the failure of my first marriage or the second time. I've already confesses to you the fact that I'm alcoholic. By this time I was firmly in the grip of that dread disease, and if you know anything about alcoholics, then you know that most are convinced that they are the center of the world. It was no different with me. My failure in the domestic arena could not possibly be my fault. I could solve that problem by drinking more. That'd ease the pain.

It didn't work. My job performance plummeted. Bills piled up. Friends got pissed off. I ended up in a deep depression which required hospitalization. It was during this treatment that I made the connection between my life's failures and my love of drink. I don't claim credit for this epiphany, I had to have a professional draw a map for me. It took a while, but I finally managed to connect the dots.

Questions had answers. What did I most want to be in life? An Army officer. Why didn't you become one? I quit university. Why did you quit university? Because I partied instead of studying. Why did your marriage fail twice? Because I was hanging with buddies drinking instead of being with my family. Why don't your friends come around and support you? Because I'm usually out drinking, or sleeping off a drinking bout. Why isyour commander pissed off at you? Because I'm late and doing shoddy work because I'm drinking all night and hung over.

Yes, I really had to pay some guy cash money to point this out to me.

So, I had a problem with drinking. The solution was easy. I'd just quit. So I did. But, what I didn't realize was that I didn't have a drinking problem...I had a thinking problem. Things got somewhat better, but not much. I left active duty.

I moved in with my mother and got a job selling cars. I was actually a pretty good salesman. My mother and I couldn't get along though. Too many rules. I moved in with a friend. Too many rules, we couldn't get along. I got my own shoddy, run down apartment. Not enough rules, I was too tempted by my old habits.

I decided on the old geographic cure. I moved to Georgia with my brother and his family, got a job selling cars. The job went fine, but my brother and his wife had too many rules. The same with the room mate I took closer to the city, too many rules. Our room mate-ship ended nearly in physical fighting. I left Atlanta literally in the middle of the night bound for the home of another kind friend in Indianapolis. I got a job as a waiter, I was really good at that. But, of course, my friends with who I lived had too many rules. It was time for me to have my own place anyway.

I found a nice little apartment in an artsy-fartsy section of town. When I describe the surroundings, I'm sure that anyone familiar with Indianapolis with recognize the locale. It was an old building, dating from the 1920's, brick, with large windows. It stood near a corner. Two doors down was a jazz club. Just north, across the street was a grocery store. Across the street to the west, a bar and grill with awesome burgers. Next door to that, a coffee shop with wonderful sidewalk seating where you could enjoy a smoke and coffee whizz watching the world whizz by. It was a major hangout for all the neighborhood characters, of which there were plenty. Everything was within walking distance, a video store, a barber shop, a dry cleaner, a news stand selling selling tobacco products, even upscale cigars.

The most important feature, though; the one feature which was to change my life forever, was the little diner right next door. The food was bad, inconsistent and rather bland; the coffee reminded me of dishwater; the decor was weird; always crowded, the owner never made money because the employees were giving away the store. But it wasn't the food, nor the coffee, not the decor that made it important. It's importance lay in the woman I was to meet there. She would change my life. Over the course of the next six years she would teach me so much about myself and about others that I may never otherwise have learned. It's through her that I formed some of the most treasured relationships I have today. She is Dori and to her I owe everything.

The next post will be "My Dori". Sorry if my promise to end this series seems deceitful, but after writing this, I realize that to try to summarize Dori in a paragraph would be unfair. You're just going to have to get over it. Until then, all the best. Joe

An Introduction II

So, dear Reader (if I have any yet) I know you've been waiting with bated breath for this second installment of Top Meadow. I can tell you I have too. I generally have no idea what's going to end up on the screen until my fingers hit the keys. So, without further ado, let's get started...

I'm 47 years old, a white male citizen of the Midwestern United States. I've been married three times, twice to the same woman (I have no idea why, either). I'm currently single, a widower, father of two (by my first wife), stepfather of six (the children of my second). My kids live with their mother, we're a bit estranged due to the tension between their mother and I. Four of my six step kids live locally with their dad, we see each other regularly. They're the light of my life.

My birthday's April 30 (cash only please). I'm a Taurus, if you put any stock in that kind of thing (I don't).

I was raised in the midwest, the oldest of three by adoption into a middle class Catholic family. My primary education was provided by the Sisters of Notre Dame. My secondary education by the Oblates of St Francis de Sales. Both of these religious orders have my deepest gratitude. When I finally acknowledged the values they had imparted to me during my formation, I found those values to be true and useful.

In my elementary school days, I entertained thoughts of the priesthood. I really believe it's a pretty common experience for young men who are seriously Catholic. I wanted to attend a high school seminary program. I let my folks talk me out of it, a decision i now regret, but perhaps was for the best.

I was raised in a loving, if alcoholic, home. My father came from a family of hard drinking Germans, so he came by his alcoholism honestly. He was strong as a bull and as stubborn as one, as well. He worked two jobs all of his life. He was a distant man who wanted to love, but really didn't know how to. My mother was of German extraction as well, but they were temperate people. Her way of showing love was material. I have no idea from whence her drinking came.

Following a brief and futile attempt at college, instead of following a religious calling I became a soldier. In the profession of arms I found a home. I excelled. I loved the Army and the Army loved me. In soldiers I found some of the finest people I'd ever met in my life. Although a coarse lot, who must, due to the nature of their job seem a bit distant and gruff, I found most of my comrades to be among the most caring and giving people I'd ever met. Few professions call upon their adepts to sacrifice more than the profession of arms. I love those guys. I ended up spending twenty-one years with the colors, eleven of those on active duty. I was deployed overseas twice.

It should surprise no one, however, to learn that military service is hard on marriages and family life, Long duty hours, deployments, and separation from family is difficult and some are unable to overcome these challenges. My marriage was no exception. Combine that with the family tradition of alcoholism I proudly carried on, my selfishness, and a propensity for marital infidelity and it should be no surprise that my marriage failed - twice. Seriously, she married me twice! The one bright spot of that union is the two wonderful children born of it. My wife has since remarried. I hope she's happy. I pray for it daily. I'm estranged from my children, a bright, energetic and strapping boy; a bubbly, free spirited girl. I miss them very much.

My religious journey during these years suffered as a result of my deteriorating morals. My personal experience is indeed that sin darkens the intellect. I could rationalize all of my behaviors. The young man of my high school years slid from devout to observant; observant to lapsed; lapsed to a vague theism; to deism; to a pronounced agnosticism.

The breakup of my marriage should have been no surprise to me. Actually I was stunned.

Do I have you on the edge of your seat yet, dear reader? I, myself, can hardly wait to see what's next.

In our next installment, An Introduction III (I'll get better with the titles, I promise). I'll deal with hitting bottom and recovery. If you sense the influence of a 12 step program here, you're right.

Until then, though, all the best. Joe.

An Introduction

If you're reading this, I pity you. It's gonna be pretty boring for a bit while I take care of the basics.

The first order of business should probably be a statement of purpose; and after that a bit about myself so you might get an idea about how my ideas are formed. With that foreword out of the way, let's get started...

What am I doing?

I suppose, that if you want to get right down to it (which most folks do) that this blog will focus a lot on the reformation of American culture. Not that I believe I can have much influence, I'm not naive enough to believe that I possess such eloquence, but I want to get my views into the public square even if it means running the risk have having them viewed as a dying shriek as adherents of my worldview are, more and more, seen as the rearguard of a fading conservatism, which they may well prove to be.

What can you expect from me?

You can expect social commentary from an orthodox Roman Catholic perspective on a semi-irregular basis. If ever you should find that my commentary varies from that perspective I encourage you to bring it to my attention. You will find that in most cases, I'll be right.

You can expect plain speaking. I'm not a fan of mental or verbal gymnastics. From time to time you may find my words a bit .....er....hmmm...colorful. I may stoop to vulgarity from time to time, but I'll avoid obscenity. Just be forewarned.

I can, from time to time, get a bit cranky. It's a character defect. I ask you to bear with me and to remember that it's nothing personal. In most cases, after a bit, I'll relent and probably apologize.

You can expect my honest personal opinions. I am not a philospher, nor am I a logician, scientist, doctor, psychiatrist, bartender, politician, mysoginist, communist, Unitarian, beet farmer, or theologian. I have no agenda here other than to express my views. I'm just a guy who tries to view things in the light of faith and reason. Let me know when you disagree because I don't know everything, on the contrary, the longer I'm alive the more I'm forced to concede how little I really do know.

You can expect me to correct errors in fact or reason. I'll try to do so kindly, "try" being the operative word. If I don't reply to comments it's for one of three reasons.

1. I agree. Silence implies consent.

2. I disagree, but am unable to reply in a civil manner.

3. I'm too lazy to be bothered.

Feel free to choose one.

What do I expect from you?

Not much. You're doing me a favor just by reading. I ask your forgiveness if I offend, your forebearance when I err, your civility when we disagree.

Where do I get this stuff?

I'll tell you up front that my actions are undoubtedly formed by my faith. Therefore, my thoughts as expressed here will be formed by Catholic thought.

In philosophy I'm influenced by Aristotle, St. Thomas Aquinas, Dietrich von Hildebrand and Jacques Maritain. There is an "is" and we're stuck with it. Yes, I'm a Thomist. Don't like it, don't read it.

In economics I lean towards distributism. I'm sure we'll talk about this later. Don't know what it is? Look it up.

In theology I'm a loyal son of the Catholic Church. I'm a huge fan of John Paul the Great. Pope Benedict is the successor of St. Peter as the Head of the Church established by Jesus Christ. As such, His Holiness, when he speaks ex cathedra (ie, from the chair of Peter) speaks infallibly. This is not my opinion, it is a fact supported by the historical record.

Politically, I'm conservative. Although I voted for John McCain, I'm not a Republican. If I were to align myself with a political party it'd probably be the Constitution Party. I believe firmly in the principle of subsidiarity, that is, the notion that where government influence is required in society such influence should be exerted at the lowest level possible. I feel that the further one gets from the black hole known as the "federal government" the more responsive government is to the will of the people. Hence, for example, the federal government has no business establishing or running a Department of Education. Is that whacked or what? I like the idea of a fair tax, preferably a program that eliminates an income tax altogether. I think a national sales tax is a fine idea.

My heroes tend to be those who have bucked the system, most of them unsuccessfully. St Thomas Becket lost his life defending the rights of the Church against the State; St Thomas More refused to abandon his conscience to conform to the wishes of his sovereign, King Henry VIII, with remarkably unpleasant results ( for both England and St Thomas); G.K. Chesterton, in tribute to whom this blog is named (Top Meadow was his home) was certainly the most prolific, arguably the greatest Catholic writer ever in the English language.

Others you may see cited frequently include John Henry Cardinal Newman, Hillaire Belloc, St Robert Bellarmine, Thomas Jefferson.

What's next?

That's probably enought for today. In my clevery titled next post, "An Introduction II", I'll delve into some personal history. I know you can hardly wait. Until then, all the best. Joe