First, a short housekeeping note. If
anyone's reading this, please say "hey" in the comments. I'm not trying to stroke my ego, I'm just curious whether this is going into
anyone's head, or just out into the vacuousness that is "byte-land".
Now, on to today's business.
I have a very dear young friend whom I'll call "Charles". A handsome young man, possessed of a fierce intellect, Charles was raised with a generic sort of religious faith, a vague theism, but has always been fascinated with things Catholic. His understanding of Catholic doctrine is amazing, his love for the Eucharist is very deep, he prays the Rosary regularly, from time to time he even sneaks into Mass. He's stood for some time at the door of the Church, casting furtive glances at the interior, but remains hesitant to step in.
Recently, Charles and I discussed his hesitance to enter. In response to my query about his conversion
quandary, he said that he was "having to much fun sinning right now", and that I shouldn't worry, there was plenty of time for his conversion, it'd happen sooner or later because he was still young. Right here in front of me was a perfect example of the proverbial "intellect darkened by sin" spoken of by St Paul. Here was a bright, promising young man, convinced of the truth of Catholicism, balking at the call of the Holy Spirit because of the pleasures of the flesh. I was reminded of the prayer St Augustine had murmured in his misspent youth, "Lord, grant me conversion, but not yet."
His sin, it turns out to no surprise, lies in the discovery of that awesome gift of God known as sexuality. Charles couched his argument for becoming sexually active in terms of "self-esteem". I listened carefully, but limited my response mindful of Chesterton's admonition "that one foolish word from the inside does
more harm than a hundred thousand foolish words from outside". I've since given some thought to the discussion, and now, though I may be too late, make my reply here.
Let me admit, right out of the gate, that I have not always adhered to what I'm about to write. I, like St Augustine, misspent my youth. I wallowed in the same sin and hurt people in the process. Even now, my adherence to that which I
expound on here is imperfect. My discovery of the value of restraint is more that of "an old cad who has discovered that celibacy is better than woe" (I can't find the article I read this in, so I can't attribute it, but I love the turn of phrase).
Certainly it's true that one's ego is mightily stoked by the attentions of the fairer sex, especially when those attentions become physical. But one must admit that there is a certain personal, as well as spiritual satisfaction to know that one is able to exercise self-restraint and self-discipline. These characteristics serve one well throughout life, and can be mighty ego boosters as well. It is not in submitting to desires and fears that we find men becoming saints or heroes, it is resistance to temptation that makes a saint, it is clinging to beliefs in the face of the ridicule and opposition of others that makes a hero.
Since Charles is
engaging in sexual activity as a pastime, as a means of boosting his self-esteem, it's not his purpose to engage in acts of procreation. Therefore, it's quite probable he's using some form of contraception. By doing so, he's falling into a couple of great traps of the contraceptive mentality that I fear he's failed to consider.
First and foremost, he runs the risk of objectifying his partner. At the heart of the Catholic philosophy lies the ideal of the inherent dignity of each and every person as an individual. The sex act, once uncoupled from its procreative purpose, becomes merely a form of entertainment; one's partner becomes nothing more than that by which one obtains pleasure, an instrument of that pleasure, no longer a person.
Further, Charles has neglected to consider the link between contraception and abortion. This failure runs contrary to his deep pro-life convictions. Consider this, there is no means of birth control which is foolproof (and I'm not using the word "fool" lightly, for there's nothing in this world like sex to make a man act the fool). In spite of this widespread knowledge, and the universal knowledge of the natural purpose of our sexuality, we are often surprised when a pregnancy results in spite of "precautions" and we panic at the thought of the responsibility we now face, that of raising a child. Hence, there's Plan B, abortion.
Finally, those habits we establish in our youth are generally those to which we adhere for the rest of our lives. If, in our youth we deny the exclusivity of sex, then we are more apt to do so as we get older. Even when we think we're ready to "settle down" and get married, we find the temptation to violate the marital bond so much easier to break since we have detached the sacredness from the act.
This is a short examnination of a subject on which so much has been written.
Humanae Vitae, the awesome and prophetic encyclical of Pope Paul VI forms much of my thought here.
I know that, from time to time, "Charles" stops by here. I'm sure that, as insightful as he is, he will recognize himself. I hope he knows that I write this because I care, that I don't condemn him. I don't possess any moral high ground from which to preach here and he knows it. I only speak that which St Paul calls "the truth in love".
Charles, LYNS!
St Charles Lwanga, patron of black Catholics and converts, pray for us!
Til next time, all the best. Joe
